What is it that Women Who Love Sex really like about it? This book tackles this centuries old issue for the benefit of both women and men. You might think the answers are going to come in a male-centred view of sex and at first glance Gina Ogden’s title might give you hope. However, she aims at something totally different as she tries to present a female definition of sex through the experiences of ‘easily orgasmic’ women that expands the subject.
Her interviewees express concepts that she uses to progressively formulate an alternative view of sex – much broader and more holistic than the male performance view and more scientifically challenging to measure.
Relationship is the first important ingredient with really expressively satisfying sex for a woman being put into the context of trust, safety and mutual respect … in contrast to attempting to tuning in the dials in the hope of getting the right combination to open her up!
The male perception is that easily orgasmic women would be looking for sex all the time, like men. But the interviewees reveal a wider definition of sex and being easily orgasmic is just a result of having come to terms with an uncompromisingly sensual way of living. This doesn’t diminish the intellectual and make them slaves to their bodily appetites but allows the sexual life force to pervade much of what they do so that they are creatively fulfilled, physically satisfied and personally empowered and independent.
The common challenge, which many faced, was to love themselves first. To get a good view of themselves they found they needed to cast off the societal or familial definition of how a woman should be and how she should behave. It seems that for many of the women suffering was a common pathway to coming face to face with their true selves. Many of these women had relentlessly held onto a deep-seated need for connection and the nurturance of a loving relationship in defiance to historical precedents and suffered the rejection of peer groups and families. They needed to turn the negative energy of anger and frustration that fueled this rebellion into a positive force to find peace in life and so self-acceptance was the first step.
In contrast to the male view of sex which is so physical and performance based, the wider and softer female view looks at pleasure in all areas, and even displaces orgasm from physical stimulation for some, with ecstasy as a higher plane of consciousness that can be maintained for hours and not just alongside the spasms of ejaculation as in the male orgasm.
These women were marvelous and awe-inspiring by being both vulnerable and at the same time powerful in their own private ways. They had discovered inner peace through self-acceptance and re-orientated their sexual procreative energies into a broadly generative approach to life. This essentially selfless power is what could challenge a world run on selfish principles by egotistical men that causes so much harm in people’s lives. It is time for the healing and nurturing power of this life force to be felt more fully in a world where material and technological priorities dominate.
I think many men would be profoundly relieved if this approach to sex, and ultimately to life, found wide acceptance. It would eliminate the competitive bravado that masks their vulnerability and allow them to get in touch with their own deep needs for love and fulfilment.
[amazon template=iframe image1]