pornography Archives - Graham Stevenson

October 31, 2016 By Graham Stevenson

His Porn, Her Pain by Marty Klein, PhD

The latest book by Marty Klein, His Porn, Her Pain confronts the PornPanic head on. Although it is aimed at America’s PornPanic, a term he has coined for the misguided reaction to pornography, it is equally applicable elsewhere. From the perspective of a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist with 35 years experience he asks challenging questions about our reaction to pornography.

Since high-speed internet access has opened every device to a flood of pornography there has been a growing reaction characteristic of panic. The sex negative attitude in American culture has grown from a moral stand against pornography to a public health stand. This means that the user is no longer judged and left in his/her ‘degenerate’ choice but must now be outed for all our good and their own.

Marty Klein takes each of the accusations levelled at pornography and brings them under the spotlight to see how true they are and if there is any evidence to support the claims of harm and altered behaviour. His language is challenging and his arguments evidence-based without taking sides for or against porn. He repeatedly comes back to the conclusion that these voices are the result of a society that has a black and white polarised view of sex that is ill-informed and immature. He acknowledges that his circles are made up of the world’s smartest sex positive colleagues and friends who have helped him hone his views on the subject. Most of us don’t get an adequate sex education at school, let alone a positive one, and we are heavily influenced by fear.

He shows how many issues lie behind the use of porn and that these can be easily missed in aiming at porn only, especially in relationships. He refutes the idea of such a thing as porn addiction, sex addiction and Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and why these things have not been recognised in the American Diagnostic Manual – 5 or similar ICD-10 of the World Health Organisation. Using examples he shows how porn use can be a component of more important personal and relational problems that would be unaddressed if porn use was targeted. This can often be because the therapist or counsellor’s mind is in the grip of the PornPanic and not being objective and non-judgemental. He reminds professionals of the basic principles that make for a helpful therapeutic approach and lists the issues that are often hidden behind porn use.

The book is an easy and absorbing read that helps to untangle the mind from all the emotionally charged stands that various people have taken against porn despite the lack of evidence. I agree with his repeated call for a mature discussion amongst partners, parents and children and in society generally on the subject of sex that is informed by the facts. The question that really needs addressing is why the panic?

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August 16, 2016 By Graham Stevenson

Help with Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)

Help is at hand for the wave of young men who are having trouble getting it up these days. The new condition called Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) can be dealt with. The growing knowledge around brain plasticity and the addiction process means PIED can be reversed, even though it is not a medically recognised condition.

First Cause

Many young men drift into porn use from a young age looking for sex education. They not only want to know what to do but want to see how it is done. Every man wants to be a great lover and men are into mechanics. Others are more subconsciously pushed into it to get the orgasmic high that blocks out emotional pain. Whatever the cause the first step has to be a willingness to own the problem and a desire to address it.

Porn usage is usually a hidden addiction but with widespread effects. Our desire to have loving relationships may trigger the crisis of sexual malfunction. However, the year on year effects are widespread as it saps the energy for life of any unsuspecting individual. Those who recover are amazed to find a new zest for life expressed in new talents and opportunities.

The Way in

Fortunately the way in is also the way out. It is not just the thrill of watching that stimulates the reward circuits. The heady orgasmic cocktail of brain chemicals almost compel us to repeat the experience. It is how we humans are cerebrally hardwired and subconsciously programmed.

The amazing quantity of new females on heat, and their evident availability, provides a recurring chemical signal to mate that floods the brain with dopamine. Porn masturbators can keep going for hours flushing their brains as each click of the keyboard offers a new mating opportunity. This is known as the Coolidge Effect, after an American President, who discovered that males mate to exhaustion when constantly presented with new options.

The Downside

The downside is that the pathways to mate with a real live woman become weakened or even deleted. Porn users who start before puberty may never lay down these natural pathways and have to retrain their nervous systems – redoing puberty. This takes longer than those who ‘know’ how to respond to a natural woman and just need to remind their systems.

Habituation, or the loss of impact, can also mean that porn users need more extreme images to get the same buzz. The wake up call may come from the shock of what now arouses them compared to the persons’ values. Here is where you may need to get some expert coaching advice or maybe a possible referral to a therapist.

The First Move

It is simply to stop the action that provides the chemical reaction – noFap rebooting of the system. Practically it means no more watching porn and no more orgasms from porn. If you don’t use it you lose it is appropriate advice here …. and it is the ED you want to lose.

Start exercising or anything to distract you for a week when you feel the pull. Regular sex is ok but nothing that involves your head and imagination for at least a month.

After you’ve done the first week then grit your teeth and hit the second week, until you’ve completed a month of freedom from porn. This is exactly why you need a coach – like an athlete recovering from an injury you need support. Keep focused, be accountable, and just keep going. If you’re doing this on your own you might find some encouragement here.

The Second Step

This step is about connecting with yourself. Think of it as rewiring your pleasure circuits. The current short circuit is through stimulation of the eyes with penile backup to keep the brain soup simmering. This won’t work with a real life multi-dimensional partner. You need a more expansive response system that involves all the senses.

It is time to challenge the number one pleasure organ from his top slot. There are millions of nerve endings in the hands and lips, feet, nipples and in various erogenous zones around the body. The skin is the largest sex organ in the body with the brain as command centre. Just as the neural pathways were set up for addiction to porn, so now these can all be reactivated to bring other parts online. People learn to orgasm from stimulation of the nipples, lips and even ear lobes when physically challenged.

Why drive down a one-way street with porn when you can explore a whole landscape of pleasure. Learn your body and what it is capable of and then you can teach your chosen other. This is where the great lovers separate from the rest of the pack.

Another important part of this step is expanding your masturbation repertoire. This may be possible to do alone, within your own creativity. If not then there are exercises that can also include a partner.

Step Three and Running

Increasing the reward circuit’s experience of pleasure from real sex is the key. However, it needs to be done progressively and impatience can ruin the whole process. Self disciplined individuals with a short history of porn addiction may find those old pathways aren’t so overgrown. However, it is not so much the time as the power of the feel good factor and the individual’s susceptibility to those endorphins that has the real impact.

As there is often a hidden drive to use porn to the extent that it results in PIED then getting help to uncover and deal with that often needs outside help. For best results find a sex coach or other expert who can guide you along the path. This shouldn’t be difficult wherever you live as mobile communications open up the World Association Of Sex Coaches to everyone.