What is Sex Coaching?
Sex Coaching is about POTENTIAL; sex therapy is about PATHOLOGY. (pathology is the study of what is abnormal and constitutes disease)
Coaching is about looking forwards and fulfilling potential – it is a lot more fun. We are surrounded by medical and psychological services that deal with failure and breakdown. It’s no wonder we are anxious and have a negative view of sex.
Coaching is sex positive and celebrates the benefits that sex can bring to individuals, couples and humanity as a whole. It deals with issues from a positive point of view and compliments other therapies. You will need a sex therapist when there is a need for a deeper exploration with a specialist knowledge and approach.
In practice many therapists, counsellors and coaches use a mixture of common knowledge and skills. Research shows that how you get on with your practitioner has the greater impact on the outcome. So, once you have identified the area of your concern, the most important thing is to look for someone you feel safe with and can trust.
What is Sexology?
Sexology is the study of what people do sexually and what they think about it.
Why have I never heard of this before?
The history of sexology or the study of human sexuality really begins in the Victorian age. The early sexologists mostly studied people with problems, most notably Sigmund Freud. The culture of that era was what would be recognised as sex-negative today and the knowledge they acquired was passed on to medical doctors to deal with ‘problems’, such as homosexuality. Today’s most well-known specialities have arisen from this medical background. Only in recent decades has research begun to provide information that has redefined normal sexuality (homosexuality was declassified as a disease in 1973).
Modern culture has become far more broad-minded as taboo subjects have been discussed more openly. An attitude of sex-positivity is emerging with a broader understanding of what is natural not just what is normal or problematic. In contrast to therapy, coaching arose as an approach based on reaching forward towards potential, mostly in sport, but it was only a matter of time before it included the field of sexuality. Sex Coaching is one of the more recent developments in sexology in contrast to the pathological view inherited from the Victorians.
Confused? … here are some definitions to help.
Therapy: a treatment intended to heal a disorder.
Counselling: aims to help a client look at problems, usually of an emotional nature, from a different perspective with the goal of facilitating some positive change.
Mentoring: using coaching skills in the context of supporting a person into a new function through specific experience and knowledge, typically taking a much longer time than coaching. Mentoring often occurs in the workplace with new appointments.
Coaching: aims at achieving specific goals or acquiring specific skills by co-defining a path and encouraging, challenging and supporting the client all the way to the end.
* The differences between them are not so much in the skills as the direction of approach to an issue.
What do you mean by working transformationally?
Many people want a change in their circumstances but are not prepared to change themselves. Sometimes this can be done with minor changes. In principle though, it is your personality that defines you personal reality. It is your attitude or what you project outwards into the world that determines what you get back in life.
Transforming a person’s attitude is the most powerful way to ensure a change in their circumstances. So I work by educating the mind about the science of sex, developing skills for better relationships and changing the practices of the body.
The deeper a person’s transformation the greater the likelihood of them achieving their goals.
I help people to explore the shadowlands of repressed and denied emotions … to transform grief into a greater ability to love; loss into unconditional generosity; sadness into joyful gratitude. I help people to hear the message in their pain – suffering is when pain gets stuck and there is no transformation. However, all of this depends on having the courage to make the journey alongside someone you can trust.
How many session will I need?
This will depend entirely on your goals and what progress you make towards them. Realistically, if the issue has taken a long time to emerge then it is unlikely to be resolved in a few sessions. Coaching aims to be a short-term intervention with quick results so it should not be the coach who prolongs things.
How long is a session and what do you do?
A normal session will last 50 minutes and be once a week or every two weeks. If you haven’t filled in an intake form then I would want to know the context of any issue by collecting background information. We would then define your goals and jointly agree a plan of action.
Is coaching confidential?
Coaching depends on trust and confidence and so all information is confidential and can only be shared with your written permission.
Can I do anything to help myself?
Yes definitely. Being self-aware is very important. Learning how to self-regulate is very helpful. Being informed will help immensely. Being sexually fit is a big bonus on top of general fitness.