My sexual journey started young and innocently enough but I soon had the shock realisation that it was a taboo subject. The education that was supposed to be preparing me for life didn’t include sex and relationships.
So not surprisingly, my teens were a very confusing time as I had a deep desire to connect with people but no skills and little knowledge. My sexual experiences were sometimes positive but more often than not, negative. I could see how exciting and uplifting sex could be, although I was also left with deep psychological wounds where boundaries had been violated. It propelled me into a lifelong search for truth and meaning, especially in the area of sexuality and relationships.
Thankfully I found the love of my life fairly early and knew it was her by the easy and open connection we had. It was true love but not easy love, as I found my issues around sex began to impact our relationship.
It is an odd fact of life that what is often negative and painful can turn out to be a huge asset and contributor to our gift of life. I have certainly experienced this in my 40 years of marriage and family life.
I have also discovered that sex and spirituality are inextricably linked. Research seems to be catching up with ancient truths telling us that in loving ourselves first we learn how to love others. In undertaking that challenge we come across much of our shadow side where the pain and shame is hidden.
Self-acceptance for me was a real key to resolving the pain of guilt and shame. It was a step along the way to forgiving myself, and then forgiving my partner, and finally others in my life.
For over two decades now ‘my mess has become my message’ as I have shared the lessons of our journey with other couples. I realised there was little help for people struggling with sexual conflicts and that it is a difficult subject for many therapists. I know how foundational sexuality is to a sense of self-worth and how wonderfully liberating it is when love and desire is freely and physically expressed.
I have long recognised that this is the work that I want to dedicate myself to … helping people to find their own authentic sexual identity and enjoy intimate connection and a renewed passion.
If you want to know more or need help then please contact me.